I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
