Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
