boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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