so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sext me about skeletons
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
