My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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