My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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