my being single is dangerous.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
