Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
