When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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