I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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