covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
