i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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