I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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