hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We have started to decorate penises.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
