we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
