Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
