Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
