i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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