My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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