The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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