I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
