i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
