He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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