I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
