my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
