I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
