Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
