Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
