What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
