and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The struggles of a small town man whore
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
