I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
