you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
