Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize