Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
