Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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