Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
