at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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