bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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