I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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