hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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