i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize