Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
