She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
