Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize