If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize