she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
