Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize