hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm passing your future prison.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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