A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
