dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize