haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
