Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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