NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
