This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
