Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
