I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
