i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
