she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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