i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
