so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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