I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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