flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
