I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
