Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
