All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize