Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
