I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
