elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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