We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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