i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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