ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize